


Butterfly Mind

by howlingsaturn



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst and Feels, But they find their way back to each other, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sharing a Bed, Team as Family, carlos gets hurt on a call, set after 1x08 with tk still in the hospital, tk has some realisations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:49:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23065759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howlingsaturn/pseuds/howlingsaturn
Summary: TK allows the colours back into his life.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes (9-1-1 Lone Star)/TK Strand, Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Owen Strand & TK Strand
Comments: 18
Kudos: 394





	Butterfly Mind

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not a fan of Rob Lowe but I think Owen and TK have a beautiful and strong bond and so I wanted to explore that a little. There's also some team bonding and a love confession (of sorts) that is much overdue. 
> 
> trigger warning jic: brief/short mentions of death, anxiety and injuries

* * *

how

do you trust

your heart

to not stop beating

while you're

asleep?

the same way

you trust your chest

to keep rising

and falling

the same way 

you trust your blood

to keep pumping

your lungs 

to keep expanding

your mind

to keep wandering

your heart

to keep loving

  
— _you just have to live_

* * *

When Carlos gets a message saying TK's been shot, he drops his phone in shock. 

_No, no, no, no, no_ , he thinks, _not him, please not him._

The days after that are blur. He holds TK's hand in the hospital and softly untangles his hair but he doesn't know what else to do, much less what to say. He's overwhelmed and scared, he just wants TK to wake up so the world can stop spinning around him. But TK doesn't and Carlos feels like he's losing his mind. 

He's even more jittery when he's called back to work early that morning, not feeling comfortable to leave TK behind like that, but there's nothing he can do if he wants to keep his job. So he presses a lingering kiss to TK's forehead and murmurs a soft apology into his skin. 

"See you soon tiger," he says quietly and when he walks out of the room, he sends a quick nod to Owen and the rest of the team. They've all welcomed him with open arms, never once questioning his place at TK's side even though most of them don't really know him, let alone understand the nature of his relationship with TK. It doesn't matter though. All that matters, all that has _ever_ mattered, is that TK is okay. He's glad they all think the same. 

When Carlos gets back to work, he's not really present. He knows he should be, he has a lot of responsibility after all, but his mind can't seem to stop wandering. He's constantly thinking about TK, whether he's going to wake up and have any lasting damage. There are so many possibilities, so many different outcomes that Carlos doesn't think he's ready for. He just wants him to be okay, he wants him to smile and roll his eyes and he wants to see him do that little pout he always does whenever he's nervous. 

They've barely had any time together. Carlos just doesn't want to lose that chance. 

He's surprised he gets through most of his shift so easily. If his colleagues notice him being a bit off, they don't mention it and Carlos is grateful for that.

It's not until they're send out to a call about some family drama late that evening, that Carlos realises how distracted he truly is. He gets the details on his way, his knuckles turning white against the steering wheel as he tries to concentrate. The family was apparently celebrating a birthday when some dirty secrets were revealed. Carlos parks his car and he can hear the shouting before he's even shut off the engine. A few of his colleagues arrive a second later and then they make their way over. 

Carlos tries to focus, he really does, but somehow he gets caught up right in the middle and before he knows it he's received a couple of well-aimed punches. Muscle memory kicks in and he has one of the guys pinned down on the ground while his colleagues hold off the rest. Everyone calms down eventually when the two brothers who started the fight are secured. 

"Now does someone wanna tell me what the hell is going on here?" Carlos huffs out a breath, eyes scanning over the crowd. His vision is a little blurred but he can't be bothered, he's pissed off enough as it is. 

The guy he's pinned down groans in discomfort and Carlos loosens his hold a little, raising an eyebrow in question. 

"This asshole slept with my wife," he spits out eventually and Carlos exchanges a knowing look with his colleague. 

A few minutes later, they drive a couple of the family members up to the police station and when Carlos' captain takes a look at him, he frowns. 

"You might wanna have that checked out, Reyes" he says, pointing to his left eye, and when Carlos reaches for his brow, his hand comes away bloody. 

"I didn't even notice," he murmurs distractedly. 

"Maybe you should take a couple of days off," his boss suggests and Carlos doesn't have it in him to be mad. He's probably right. 

"Hey, Reyes," he puts a comforting hand on his shoulder and waits for Carlos to look at him, "You did good today, like you always do. But I was told you by your colleagues that you weren't quite as focused. You know how important that is in our line of work, we cannot afford to be distracted lest people get hurt."

Carlos nods, embarrassed. Someone could've been seriously injured because he wasn't focused on his job. He understands what his captain is saying and maybe it'll do him some good to have a few days by himself. 

"Okay," he says, "I'm sorry." 

His captain gives him a small smile, squeezing his shoulder before he turns away. 

"Get this checked out!" He reminds him again and Carlos sighs. He makes his way over to his desk, writing a quick report about what happened and sending it to his captain before he takes his leave. 

The blood on his face is long dried by the time he gets to the hospital and Michelle is on him the second she spots him slouched in one of the chairs in front of TK's room. She sets down the tray of coffees she had just bought to take a closer look at him. Carlos hadn't really noticed her and he flinches at the unexpected touch. He blinks up at her and sighs at her worried expression. 

"Just some family drama that got out of hand, I'm fine," he bats her hand away half-heartedly, eyes flicking back towards TK's room. Michelle huffs and sits down on the coffee table in front of him. 

"You look a mess," she says with a raised brow, "You wouldn't want him to see you like that would you?" 

Carlos turns his head so quickly, Michelle worries he's gotten whiplash. His eyes are wide when he looks at her. 

"He's awake?" He sounds breathless, heart beating wildly in his chest. 

  
  


_7 HOURS EARLIER_

The first thing TK registers when he wakes up is pain, a dull ache in his upper stomach that stings with each breath he takes. His muscles twitch with the need to stretch but it only sends more tremors of pain through his body. He groans in discomfort, his eyes fluttering open and the light is so bright that he squeezes them shut again. Something pulls at his lids then, an even brighter light rendering him blind for a second, and TK's hand tingles. He wants to reach out, grab whoever's fussing over him and make it stop but his body's not cooperating, he can't move a single muscle and TK's feels panic well in his throat. 

_What the hell is going on?_

He blacks out before he can spiral. 

He doesn't know how much time has passed when he finally registers a faint voice calling out to him. He tries to stay calm, breathing deeply and steadily, and after a few minutes the voice becomes clearer. It calls out his name, gentle and pleading but TK doesn't know what to do. TK thinks there's a pressure on his hand and he tries to focus on the sensation but his mind is foggy and he fears he's going to pass out again. 

_TK,_ the voice asks, _can you hear me?_

 _I do_ , he wants to scream, _I do but I don't know what's happening._

TK feels helpless and he knows he's about to panic again but he begs his body to do something, _anything_ , just to let whoever is calling for him know that he's listening, that he's _there._

His hand tingles again and TK wills himself to concentrate. He just has to move his hand. It's simple, effortless even. He's done it a million times before and yet it seems impossible. His forefinger twitches weakly and it's all TK can manage. Exhaustion seeps into his body and he's out before he can comprehend the squeeze around his hand. 

The third time TK comes to it's quiet, calm. There's no sounds in his ears or movement in his body, it feels like he's right on the surface of waking up. TK breathes in the tranquility and comfort, grateful he doesn't feel any pain. He doesn't know if this is the end, if this is what dying feels like, but he finds he isn't scared at all. Sleep reaches for him, wrapping him in a warm embrace that TK happily accepts. He lets himself fall in the knowledge that someone will catch him. _Trust is a strange thing,_ he muses before he loses consciousness again.

  
  


When TK finally blinks his eyes open, he's confused. It takes him a few tries to sharpen the environment around him and when he eventually succeeds, he frowns. Scanning the room carefully, he realises that he's in the hospital. His hand clutches his stomach instinctively and TK flinches at the surge of pain that shoots through his body. _Oh_ , he thinks, _I've been shot_. The memories come back to him in waves and TK feels like his head is going to explode. There was a kid, a young and frightened little boy with a gun in his hand. A blonde middle-aged woman sitting on the ground next to an unconscious man, tears in her eyes. TK remembers it all. The sound of the gunshot, the burning pain in his stomach. He remembers clutching the doorframe in shock and biting his tongue to stop himself from screaming. He remembers his dad reaching out for him, catching him when his knees gave out. He remembers Paul screaming his name and then blackness; endless, scary blackness. 

After that, he becomes more aware of his body and the noises that surround him. He feels like he's back in the here and now, no longer stuck in an odd dimension between life and death. He turns his head towards the sound, his hand still resting above his injury, and TK swears he feels the rushing of his blood and the beating of his heart right beneath his palm. He feels both present and disconnected, like he's there but _not really_. 

When his eyes find his father's figure, hunched into a seat and head in his hands, his heart aches with longing. He feels like a little boy, all of the sudden, frightened to sleep without a night lamp on and craving for his dad's calming embrace. He opens his mouth but no words come out.

Owen is surrounded by Judd and Paul, both resting a comforting hand on his shoulder. TK spots Marjan and Mateo to Owen's left, speaking to him in hushed voices, and TK's eyes well with tears. They're all here. For him or for his dad, he isn't sure, but it doesn't matter. They're here regardless. 

A wave of anxiety hits him and TK longs for his dad, for a gentle touch and soft-spoken words of encouragement, telling him that everything's going to be okay and that the monsters beneath his bed won't hurt him.

 _I'll protect you, son,_ he hears his father's voice in his ear, _I won't let them get to you._

He calls out for him when the first tear falls and it's so quiet that TK doesn't think he's heard him but Owen's head turns anyway, call it fatherly intuition, and his tired eyes are wide when he finds TK looking at him. He's jumped out of his seat in no time, making his way over in a couple of quick and efficient strides, and TK reaches for him instinctively, clutching at Owen's shirt when he's close enough. 

Owen holds him carefully, awkwardly bent over his bed, but he can't find it in him to care. He murmurs soothing words into TK's hair and patiently waits for him to calm down.

"You're gonna be okay," he says, over and over like a prayer, and TK breathes it in until he believes it's true.

Doctors swarm in in numbers then, checking his vitals and asking him a hundred questions and TK is exhausted by the time they're done with him. His dad stays close throughout every test, holding his hand or squeezing his shoulder and so TK braves through it. It's not until they doctor's are finished and he's brought back to his room to rest that he turns to his dad with tired eyes and asks the question he was too scared to voice out loud before.

"They didn't give me anything, did they?" 

Owen frowns at him for a moment but then he understands and his gaze softens.

"No," he says as he reaches for TK's arm, "I made sure of it."

TK nods relieved but something must show in his eyes because Owen presses further.

"Why would you think that?" 

"I don't know," TK frowns, "I just… there were moments of consciousness where I felt like- like I was floating or something, where I didn't feel any pain or panic. I guess it just reminded me of the way the drugs made me feel y'know? I thought- I thought I had--" 

"Hey," his father soothes him before he can talk himself into a frenzy, "It's okay, they didn't give you any opioids, I promise. It was probably just the medication or the blood loss that made you feel that way. You're okay." 

TK nods, releasing a breath he didn't know he was holding. His eyelids flutter with sleepiness and Owen gently strokes TK's hair from his forehead. 

"Get some rest, son," he says, "We'll be here when you wake up." 

Feeling a weight lifted off his chest, TK falls asleep again. 

When he wakes for the fifth time that day, he wakes up to laughter and he smiles before he's even opened his eyes. 

"There he is," Paul says and when TK looks at him, he finds him smiling like the sun. 

TK's eyes flicker across the room and over every person that's there. Paul, Mateo, Judd, Marjan, Owen, Michelle. His whole team is there, smiling at him, and TK feels a rush of affection surge through his body. 

"Hey guys," he says and his voice sounds so rough that Michelle hands him a glass of water immediately. He thanks her and takes a couple of slow sips, almost moaning at the feeling of cool liquid soothing his dry throat. Handing it back to her, he puts his head back down on the pillow, yawning.

"You gonna fall asleep on us again?" Mateo jokes and TK sticks out his tongue because he's very mature, thank you very much. 

He looks over at Marjan and recognises the glint in her eyes as tears. Giving her a reassuring smile, he stretches out his arms, beckoning her closer. She takes his hand with a teary laugh, sitting down on the side of his bed. 

"We're glad you're okay," she says and when the whole team agrees, TK feels like he's won the lottery. They are more than just friends and co-workers. They're family, and TK has never been as grateful for Owen's decision to move them both to Texas as he does in that moment. 

"I love you guys," he tells him, "I'm so grateful you're here," and that's that. They spend a few minutes talking and joking until Paul nudges him in the shoulder, prompting his attention. 

"Y'know we're not the only ones who were worried sick for you," he says with a mischievous glint in his eyes and TK frowns, looking over to his dad. 

"Officer Reyes came to visit you quite frequently," Owen answers with a shrug. 

"You mean we tried to make him go home and get some sleep a couple of times but to no avail," Judd pipes in and TK's frown deepens. 

"Carlos was here?" He asks incredulously and something in his gut stirs. It feels a lot like butterflies but who is he to know. 

"He was here every day since the accident," Michelle explains and there's something in her voice that makes it sound like there's more to it than TK can grasp, "He'd come after his shift and leave when he was called back to work." 

"It was like he was glued to your side," Mateo observes, "I didn't know you two were such good friends." 

Paul elbows him in the ribs and Mateo jumps in surprise, glaring at him and rubbing his side dramatically, and TK can't help the blush that spreads over his face at the statement. Owen looks to his team then and asks them to give them a moment in private. TK can only stare as they leave, Marjan squeezing his hand one more time. 

When TK turns to look at his dad, he finds him already looking at him. 

"I know you care for him," he says abruptly, and TK is surprised by the stern look on his face. "And I know he's crazy about you. So why do I have the feeling that you keep pushing him away?" 

TK averts his eyes, he knows his dad is right and he knows it too. He just doesn't know what to respond to that. 

"Dad, you know I'm a mess-" 

"You're not!" 

"I am," TK responds stubbornly, "I'm still dealing with the consequences of the relapse and Alex's confession and I just… I don't know if I can do this."

"Do what?" 

"Fall in love. Let my guard down." 

"TK," Owen sighs and he sounds pained as he speaks, "I understand that it's hard for you but it's been months. You cannot let what happened in the past define who you are now. It's in the past for a reason and it should not control you anymore."

TK swallows, biting his lip in thought. His dad has a point. He's been caught up in the past, terrified of looking forward and taking a step into the unknown. He's been feeling numb for so long, he's failed to notice the warmth that Carlos' has brought into his life. Where life was grey and dull, there is now colour. Everything Carlos touches turns into light; TK could feel it when he kissed him for the first time. But he was so wrapped up in the lies Alex told him, that he could only focus on extinguishing the light Carlos had allowed in. TK fixed the coloured cracks instead of letting them break through. He understands now how wrong and self-destructive that was. 

"Carlos is not Alex," Owen adds, and TK has rarely seen him so sincere, "I've seen the way he looks at you, son. He's been a mess since he found out what happened to you. Don't you think he deserves a chance?"

_He does_ , TK thinks, _I just don't know if I do._

He squeezes his dad's hand, eyes falling shut with exhaustion, and with his heart on his sleeve, TK dreams of a bright and cloudless future. 

  
  


_NOW_

Michelle nods at Carlos, smiling. "He woke up a couple of hours ago and the doctor's went in to check on him immediately. They've been doing tests all morning to make sure there's been no damage to his brain. From what I've gathered he'll be just fine." 

Carlos exhales, utterly relieved, and his head drops into his hands. He squeezes his eyes shut, wincing at the pain that shoots through his temple but he couldn't care less about that. All that matter is that TK is awake. Michelle reaches for his arm then, squeezing it gently. She patiently waits for Carlos to pull himself back together. 

"Can I see him?" He asks after a moment, tired eyes blinking up at her. She looks over to where Owen is sitting at TK's bedside and sighs. 

"The doctor's finished up about two hours ago. We went to see him for a bit and Owen wanted to give him a little break so he's been asleep since. He's still quite weak, y'know. He's gonna need a lot of rest." 

Carlos nods understandably though he can't help but feel a little disappointed. He's had a hell of a day and he just wants to be with TK and look into the emerald eyes that have become home to him. 

Michelle squeezes his arm empathetically and rises from her spot on the table. 

"I'm gonna get some medical supplies to patch you up and maybe then you can go and sit with him for a bit hm?" 

Carlos doesn't say anything, he can't argue with Michelle anyway and so he sits in silence, staring at TK's sleeping form from afar until Michelle is back. She reaches for his chin, turning his face back to her as she dabs at the wound over Carlos' eye. She works quietly for a while and Carlos closes his eyes, exhaling. He's so goddamn tired, he's been awake for almost 24 hours. 

"It doesn't look like it needs stitches but you should cool it with an ice pack if you want to avoid bruising. Otherwise this is gonna be quite the shiner." 

Carlos huffs out a laugh despite himself, eyes fluttering open as he smiles at her. 

"Thank you." 

"You're welcome," she responds, grinning. 

"Officer Reyes." 

Carlos turns to find Owen walking towards them, a slight frown on his face. 

"You okay?"

"Yeah," Carlos reassures immediately, "I'm fine. Happens sometimes." He shrugs and Owen doesn't press further. 

"I'm sure Michelle has kept you up-to-date," he says instead, "You can go in if you want. I'm in desperate need of some clear air." 

"I'll join you."

Carlos is left alone then and he watches them leave for a moment before he can get his aching muscles to move. He slips into TK's room, sitting down on the chair next to his bed, and he reaches for his arm immediately, rubbing gentle circles into his skin. It's warmer than it was last night and there's a little bit of colour on his cheeks. Carlos can't help but smile. 

"Hey you," he whispers into the silence, eyes fixated on TK's face. "I miss you." 

He doesn't know what else to say then, his throat feels clogged up. Overwhelmed by emotions, he reaches for TK's hand and presses a kiss to his knuckles.

"Who got you so roughed up?" A quiet voice whispers into the tranquility and Carlos looks up immediately. When he finds TK looking at him, everything falls into place. His name falls from his lips in relieved exclamation and he squeezes his hand with a smile. 

TK's eyes flicker across his face and there's a vulnerability in his gaze that Carlos has only seen once before, back when they had only just met and TK had told him about the breakup he went through and the relapse he had suffered. 

"You're here," he whispers, voice rough from disuse, "After everything I've done, after everything I've said, you're still here."

"Of course," Carlos frowns, not having expecting that reaction. 

"Why?" 

Carlos looks at him for a moment, confused by his insecurity. His heart aches for the doubt and fear he sees in his eyes.

"Tyler," he sighs, but there's no melace to it. "You really have to ask?" 

TK only stares at him, considering, and it's not until TK purses his lips the way he always does, that Carlos begins to smile. 

"I care about you. A lot actually. I always have." 

TK seems to think that over, clearly at odds with himself. He does want to be with Carlos, more than anything else, but he just doesn't know how. 

"You know I can't-" he starts and then bites his lip, frustrated, "Look I'm not… I'm not easy to deal with okay? I have like major trust issues and I don't... I can't lose another person I care about. I just can't." His voice wavers, eyes going wide and frantic and Carlos squeezes his hand in silent support. 

"You're not gonna lose me." 

It's a promise Carlos cannot make, not in his line of work, but he says it anyway cause God knows he'd do anything to hold that promise, to make sure TK doesn't have to suffer through another loss.

TK shakes his head. "You know you can't promise that." 

Carlos shrugs, "So? It doesn't make it any less true. I want you and I wanna _be_ with you, come whatever." 

"And if you break my heart?" TK's eyes are sad when he looks at Carlos and Carlos wishes he could open up his chest and erase all the terrible memories and heartbreak it had to endure. 

"I didn't know I could do that," he says just as softly. 

"C'mon," TK huffs, rolling his eyes a little, "You _know_." 

Carlos can't help but smile as he reaches out a hand to stroke TK's cheek. He watches as his eyes flutter close at the touch, his whole body exhaling. 

"I'm not gonna break your heart," he says sincerely, "I'm gonna pick it back up and make it whole again." 

And TK reacts like Carlos has spread balm on a wound. He opens his eyes, blinking away the tears as he reaches for Carlos, grabbing at his uniform to pull him close. 

"Come're", he whispers, _pleads_ , and Carlos rises from his chair, closing the remaining distance to kiss him. Their lips dance to a rhythm of their own, parting and pulling, giving and receiving, until all that Carlos knows, all that he _feels,_ is TK. 

They have to break apart eventually when TK is sure he's gonna pass out from the lack of oxygen. 

"Fuck," he exhales against Carlos' lips, "I used to be better at that." 

"Are you saying I stole your breath?" Carlos laughs and TK snorts, head falling back against the pillow with a grin. He closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths until the black dots around his eyes disappear. There's a feather like touch on his brow and he blinks his eyes open again. 

"I'm okay," he says before Carlos can even ask and the frown between his eyebrows disappears. "You really do make me breathless though," he adds for good measure and he's rewarded with the most beautiful shade of pink rising high on Carlos' cheeks. TK doesn't think he's ever seen him blush before but he finds it quite endearing. 

"Are you gonna stay for a bit?" TK asks after a moment. He really doesn't want to let him go, not now, not ever. 

"Do you want me to?" 

TK nods, reaching out a hand to cup the side of Carlos' face, his thumb carefully brushing over the purple bruise that is beginning to bloom around his eye. TK feels a fire burn inside his chest at the thought of Carlos getting hurt. He exhales shakily, the depth of that realisation hitting him in an instant and Carlos grabs his wrist as if he understands. He holds him close and lets him look, lets him deal with his inner turmoil in his time, as he tells him he's going to stay. TK can't help but smile. 

Carlos pulls back then, gently tugging TK's hand from his face, but TK doesn't have the time to argue as Carlos slips out of his thick jacket and carefully undoes his gun strap. He pulls his keys and wallet out of his pants and lays them down on the little table next to TK's bed. 

"What are you doing?" TK asks bewildered and Carlos turns to wink at him.

"I'm gonna sleep with you," he explains with a grin and TK playfully narrows his eyes at him. 

He watches as Carlos slips out of his shoes, kicking them off to the side somewhere before he makes his way back over. 

"Y'know you just had to ask," TK murmurs and Carlos laughs when TK reaches for the zipper on his jeans. Carlos gently bats his hand away and kisses him instead. 

"Keep it in your pants, tiger," he grins as he makes himself comfortable on the bed that is way to small for the both of them. "That's not the kind of 'sleeping together' we're gonna do." 

"No?" TK asks with an exasperated pout, scooting over a little to give him more room. 

"No," Carlos argues, "Don't look so disappointed. You've been shot and I've barely slept these past few days. We're gonna nap." 

TK smiles as Carlos settles next to him, stretching his arm out over TK's head. He shuffles closer then, resting his forehead against Carlos'. He wants nothing more than to curl up right against him but he knows his fractured body won't allow it. Exhaustion sweeps over him and he feels his eyes begin to droop. 

"I'm glad you're here with me," he whispers into the space between them, tilting his chin up in invitation. Carlos kisses him and TK feels him smiling against his lips. Carlos pulls back to look at TK after a moment, watching his eyes flutter close. He reaches out a hand, gently cupping his face as he tilts his head down, pressing a kiss to his forehead, to each of his closed eyelids, his nose, his cheek and his lips, and TK's heart begins to heal.

"I'm glad you're okay," Carlos murmurs into TK's skin and the warmth it is spoken with makes TK smile. 

Me too, he thinks. _Me too_.

TK makes himself comfortable and grabs Carlos' hand, holding it across his chest, right over his heart. He feels Carlos pressing another kiss to his forehead before he too settles against him. 

Taking a final deep breath, TK allows himself to take another fall. He knows with a clear certainty that Carlos is going to be the one to catch him. He will not let him hit ground and break into a million pieces.

That raw feeling of trust and safety leaves TK with an odd fluttering in his gut but he welcomes it with open arms. Butterflies open their wings, drowning his mind in a rainbow of colours and TK has never felt this free. He rises and rises but the height doesn't scare him anymore. His eyes follow one path only and that's forward, leaving behind everything else until it's just tiny black dots in an ocean of greens and blues. He climbs higher until he can reach for the sun and he finds that its touch doesn't burn at all. 


End file.
